Helping a family member with hearing loss

As a friend or family member of someone with a hearing loss, you can take many steps to prevent hearing loss from creating unnecessary problems for them. A reduction in hearing ability is a loss, but you can reduce the impact of that loss by helping the hearing impaired person look at himself or herself as a whole person with the same resources, personality and worth that they had before they realised or were diagnosed with an impairment.  Many people with hearing loss need to have their self-respect strengthened, they may feel real grief at their loss. Sometimes to a certain extent, the reaction to hearing loss is similar to the reaction to a bereavement and will follow the same stages of grief.

1 Shock & Denial

2 Pain & Guilt

3 Anger & Bargaining

4 Reflection

5 The Upturn

6 Reconstruction

7 Acceptance & Hope

If a person with a hearing impairment becomes stuck in the denial phase, they will withdraw from social interaction. Because it is in social interaction that their impairment is most obvious and unbearably undeniable. They will blame people for muttering, they will complain about presenters on the television and how standards have slipped. This withdrawal has a huge impact on their interaction and lifestyle, it can cause real emotional pain. Hearing impairment carries a silly but real stigma in the minds of people who are affected by it, it is an outmoded view with no foundation but people get caught up in it. It wraps up in ideas of age and infirmity, independence and self validity.

I told my Patients to visualize a person who wore hearing aids, who led an active and satisfying social life who communicated with their friends and loved ones at a pleasurable and meaningful level. Then visualize a person with a hearing impairment who did not wear aids, who consistently said What? Say that again, who avoided social interaction to avoid embarrassment and who had withdrawn from his or her social structure. Which of these pictures portrayed to them somebody who was old and infirm?

The truth is that help is available, that there are very few hearing impairments that can not be assisted. The first step is to accept that there is a problem, truly accept that people are not muttering, that the problem is yours and nobody else's. With this acceptance a person can move on, learn exactly what their impairment is and how it can be helped.

Modern technology helps in many - but not all - ways

Modern, sophisticated hearing aids make the most of remaining hearing ability, but the user may still have difficulty hearing certain words and thus understanding what is being said. Just “listening” requires energy and resources of the person with hearing loss. It is tiring for all parties if many things have to be repeated or if misunderstandings prevent a sensible dialogue. Although hearing aids become better and better every year, there will still be areas that are problematic particularly in the early days of use. To reduce communication problems you can do some things that will help.

Communicating with a person with hearing loss

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  Never speak with your back to the person.


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  Say a Persons name and pause momentarily before you say something, this will call their full attention to you. You do not need to continue to do this after you have their attention


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  Be close to the person when you communicate. The volume level is reduced by half when the distance is doubled, and an increase of the distance of just a few metres can prevent the message from being understood.


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  Make eye contact.


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  When you address a hearing aid user in a room where others are present, say the person’s name.


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  Speak clearly and slowly – without shouting. The problem is usually not the volume of your voice, but the articulation of your words.


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  Misunderstanding just a single word can cause the meaning to be lost. In such situations it can be a good idea to rephrase your sentences, instead of repeating them. Do not say: ‘Never mind’. Such a response can give the person with hearing loss low self-esteem.

These strategies will assist you to converse with you friend or family member in an easy and satisfying manner. They will also build up the confidence of the person who is wearing the instruments, something that will be welcomed by them. This is important, a hearing aid user needs to be realistic about what their hearing aids will do for them, but they also must be confident that they are truly making a difference. If they feel they are not helping or lose their confidence in their aids they will not wear them. It is important that you and the hearing aid user realise that purchasing hearing aids is just the beginning.

If you can move your friend or family member through to acceptance and to taking the steps to get help you will have a real impact on their life. If indeed you have reached this point read the following to help you with your decision making processes.

Modern hearing aids

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